Ninjettes Issue 1: 2

            Ninjette. With a name like that honestly how could you go wrong? Oh in so many sodding ways. I picked this comic not because of the cover, which I know is my downfall, but because of the name. Who can argue with Ninjette? Seriously. Not only was the plot a huge disappointment but also there were no interesting or witty characters to make up for it. I want my 3.99 back stat!

            First it can get confusing as hell since there are four women with black or dark brown hair that all look alike. Two of them have the same style hair cut. I will give credit that the art is well done but unimaginative. It’s not hard to make females look different from each other. The only two in the whole story that I can tell apart is the blonde and a black girl. Any guesses are to why those two stick out? Sadly they only stick out in appearance. They are actually in it for a good few pages but all I got from them was… Nothing. I don’t remember their names nor do I know why the hell they are talking to the main character. Or really whom I think is the main character.

            Also they are meeting at a nightclub, which is owned or staffed by creepy stereotypical Italian-eqsue men. The main character or I shall call her Boobette since the only defining feature she has are her tits, is still carrying her sword on her back. The same sword that earlier sliced a man in two right between the balls up to the tippy top of his balding head. I also don’t think this is physically possible and since this sword is not magical from what I can see nor is she her self magical. Stop breaking the laws of physics. It sucks when people do that because it makes physics cry. Do you want to make physics cry? It’s not pretty.

            The conversation that they have in this nightclub is mind numbing with a flashback that does not even pique my interest. I’m pretty sure there is more to this series but it is not stated on the issue. It is not Ninjette Revenge of the ittie bittie tittie committee issue 1. That would tell us that this is definitely not the beginning. So far from what I gathered from the cover alone is that it is issue 1 of Ninjette, which means: They sodding suck at explaining back-story or hinting at it or even coherently expressing/showing it. There were other times throughout the issue that the dialogue is stagnant and roundabout but not as bad as in that stupid nightclub.

            Also the issue is heavy on the violence and if one were to go through my book, comics, movies and shows you’d see I am not a stranger to violent storylines. Hell I listen to a band called Bile. Enough said. But Ninjette has this crazy idea that when there is no plot around and none can be found in a dark corner than violence is the only substitute. Majority of this comic is senseless violence that makes no sense other than telling us the main character is a bad ass or more accurately kills the weak and unarmed. Wow, she’s really cool.

            Let’s be honest. Violent can be in abundance but if you don’t have an ounce of plot to back it up its useless, waste of time and ink. Most of this comic seems to fall under those two categories: waste of time and ink. I can’t even fathom how anyone with two brain cells could possible enjoy this series. It may get better later on but first issues are there for a reason: To show us what the rest is going to be like. Introductory issues have to be fashioned ever so carefully or else it will all implode.

            Lastly every since character in here is a stereotype and not just a plain old stereotype but also one that has no other sort of personality going for it. The black one talks all sassy like, the blonde one giggles, the raven-haired one broods. I even think there is a strict Asian parent talking in broken English some where in there. Stereotypes can be fun to play around with but when it’s the only thing the characters got might as well take a shovel and end their existence.

            Ninjette: Don’t bother picking it up. It’s basically four bucks for blood and titties. If you want this save your money and go to the dark side of 4chan. 2 out of 5 and that’s bleeding generous.